I don't know what to say. I don't know where to begin. I hope I can express what is so heavily in my heart. I found out today that a very dear friend of mine had a miscarriage. This was a miracle in and of itself that she was pregnant. It has been a constant struggle for her to concieve. She told me just a week ago she was pregnant but she was so cautious! She made it to the 11th week. So close! She realized something could easily go wrong. This news has weighed down my heart. I ache for her. But she is not alone.
I feel overwhelmed that so many woman want to be mothers. Desire to raise children and have their joy in their lives. They want to serve a sweet little saint. But what about those that can't? Or those that constantly struggle with it? I just want to wrap my arms around them and pray they will get the chance. I have not experienced this myself, but it is in my family and I the chances are high that someday it will. My very mother struggled to have me. I am what my parents call, "Their Miracle Baby." I feel honored that I was able to be born to them! To have them raise and mentor me. I love them. Thank you, mom and dad, for not giving up! For continually trying! You never lost hope. Though at times it must have been so tough, you had the faith. And lucky for all of us, we were one of the lucky ones.
I find it interesting that babies come to those who didn't plan on it, or those that weren't quite "ready." Or so many of us wonder when the right "time" is for us to have the next one. Meanwhile, there are so many that crave that blessing. My mom told me once that while she was struggling to get pregnant, she had friends that would complain about pregnancy pains, how their children keep them up at night, how they are so tired... and mom teared up because she wished so bad that she could have those "pains" those "inconveniences." I know that those of us that have been blessed to be parents often feel sorrow for those that struggle with this, and it's only human to take children for granted. But I wanted to publicly tell you all that I am grateful. I complain of my scarred skin, my weight gain. These are my struggles from pregnancy, but Derek was right, I would do it all again in a heartbeat to have Jocelyn or another child! I am sentitive to those of you who have it hard! And I am sorry you have this trial in your life! God bless you for your strength!
I heard this song tonight as I was doing the dishes and thinking about my friends loss. I became overwhelmed... this is how she must feel. I take it she's singing to God. I wrote in the answers in hopes that my friends remembers He is close by. He is listening, and as you cry he is there with you. He will not leave you until the darkness ends! He does feel your pain. He knows you! He LOVES you!
Are you there? YES
Are you watching me? YES
As I lie here on this floor
They say you feel what I do YES
They say you're here every moment YES
Will you stay? ABSOLUTELY
Stay 'till the darkness leaves
Stay here with me OF COURSE
I know you're busy, I know I'm just one A VERY IMPORTANT ONE
But you might be the only one who sees me
The only one to save me I PROMISE I WILL
Why is it so hard? SUCH IS LIFE
Why can't you just take me? IT'S NOT TIME
I don't have much to go
Before I fade completely DON'T GIVE UP
Can you feel how cold I am? YES
Do you cry as I do? YES
Are you lonely up there all by yourself? I MISS YOU
Like I have felt all my life
The only one to save mine
How are you so strong? BECAUSE I LOVE YOU
What's it like to feel so free? LET ME SHOW YOU
Your heart is really something
Your love, a complete mystery to me UNCONDITIONAL
Are you there watching me? ALWAYS
As I lie here on this floor
Do you cry, do you cry with me? YES
Cry with me tonight OK
Are you there? ALWAYS
Are you watching me? FOREVER
I also want to share an anonymously written poem that helps me when I'm low. When I question "WHY?!"
My life is but a weaving between my God and me.
I do not choose the colors, and He worketh steadily.
Oft times he weaveth sorrow, and I, in foolish pride,
Forget he sees the upper and I the underside.
Not till the loom is silent and the shuttle cease to fly
Will God unroll the canvas and explain the reasons why
The dark threads are as needful in the skillful weaver's hands
As the threads of gold and silver in the pattern he has planned.
1 comment:
ah, words of wisdom! what a great post!
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