"Hey Sugar!"

acceptance.

my uncle kurt use to call me sugar when i was little. i remember at first being perplexed as to why he'd call me sugar, but it quickly grew on me and i was flattered. it's a lovely lil pet name. i was his lil sweetie and no one else has ever called me that. so it's our thing. but now i'm beginning to read into it more. i am sugar. there is more sugar in me than most of you! haha because it's saturating my blood! what do i mean?

i. am. diabetic.

i have had gestational diabetes with both pregnancies and with kristiana it was pretty serious. after birth i had to be tested and they said that it could go away slowly but i should consider myself a prediabetic. anyone that has the gestational diabetes should expect to become a diabetic at one point in their lives. i just didn't expect it to be so soon.

so i was feeling pretty crumby. VERY crumby actually. so after a friend and my mom telling me to go check myself out. i went to instacare on a saturday. i'd called friday and made my appointment to see the doctor about my diabetes for the next tuesday. but when i went in they tested my glucose/ blood sugar and it was 658. yours probably never goes over 180! i could have gone into a diabetic coma at any point.

so they sent me to the ER. the doctor walked in and said, "so you thought if you ignored the problem that it would go away?" and i said, "yes. exactly!" but it didn't work out that way. so the ER sent me to stay overnight. the long and short of it is that the medication i needed, victoza, wasn't covered by my insurance. it's $500 for a one month supply with out insurance! they had me take the other similar drug, byetta, but it made me sick and i couldn't function with it. so while i was in the hospital they had me try an oral drug. it wasn't enough. the goal is to use insulin as a last resort. so the doctor was able to petition that my insurance cover the victoza. they wouldn't let me leave until it was approved. so they approved it. HOORAY, right?

i'm still in the middle of that drug approval process but i am happy to report that this morning my numbers where back to the 100's! and i feel much better. now to lose enough weight that hopefully the diabetes will go away. so i joined weight watchers to assist me in this effort. it is practically guaranteed that i'll need to be on insulin throughout my entire next pregnancy, whenever that happens.

so today i accept it. i erase my stereotype of what a diabetic is. and what that means. i've been educated. i can eat sugar. AND this doesn't mean that all i eat is sweets and treats. carbs and fruit have lots of sugar. and at this point my diet alone can't control it. my pancreas just isn't creating enough insulin to match up all the sugars in my blood.

if any of you have it, or get it i'd be happy to talk about it with you. i remember the fear i was overcome with when i was told i had gestational diabetes. knowledge is power. and i know i'm not alone. and it's not fun. but i am grateful today for medicine. and insurance. and that i can be healthy.